Classics professor Mike Fontaine poses in Klarman Hall

In a New Book, Prof Translates Ancient Advice for the Lovelorn

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How to Get Over a Breakup is Michael Fontaine’s latest entry in a series that mines modern wisdom from classical works

By Melissa Newcomb

When it comes to offering advice to the lovelorn, classics professor Michael Fontaine thinks some of the best wisdom comes from looking back—way back.

In his latest book, How to Get Over a Breakup: An Ancient Guide to Moving On, Fontaine translates, from the Latin, 2,000-year-old romance tips from the Roman poet Ovid, whose suggestions range from heartfelt to humorous and downright raunchy.

The book cover for How to Get Over a Breakup: An Ancient Guide to Moving On, featuring a statue of two people embracing.

Says Fontaine: “There’s some actionable advice, some stuff that’s questionable, and some stuff that can’t possibly be taken seriously.”

Some of Ovid’s wisdom echoes the common-sense advice you’d get from your besties after a romantic reversal: staying busy, taking up a new hobby, going on vacation, and (in the poet’s words) “minimizing and belittling your ex’s best features.”

Even the most broken-hearted readers, however, will likely decline another of Ovid’s tips: putting your lost love out of your mind by going off to war.

“Ovid is known as the biggest jerk in all of antiquity,” Fontaine says with a laugh.

“But he was as clever as anybody who has ever lived, and wrote hilarious poetry.”

The book is the latest entry—and the fourth by Fontaine—in Princeton University Press’s “Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers” series, which packages advice from the classical world on a variety of topics.

With nearly three dozen volumes so far, the series includes such titles (not translated by Fontaine) as How to Make Money, How to Eat, How to Do the Right Thing, and even How to Stop a Conspiracy.

There’s some actionable advice, some stuff that’s questionable, and some stuff that can’t possibly be taken seriously.

Fontaine, who’s active in the movement to teach Latin as a living language, previously penned three other books in the series.

How to Drink: A Classical Guide to the Art of Imbibing is translated from works by poet Vincent Obsopoeus, while How to Tell a Joke: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Humor and How to Grieve: An Ancient Guide to the Lost Art of Consolation both come from Roman statesman and orator Marcus Tullius Cicero.

“Death is a part of the human condition,” Cicero, then mourning the loss of a daughter, writes in the latter. “Nothing is more human than death.”

Fontaine calls the Cicero volume from which the text was drawn “the world’s first self-help guide”—but in How to Tell a Joke, he showcases the orator’s lighter side.

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“We need to take stock of the people, the case, and the circumstances,” the ancient Roman advises the aspiring humorist, “so that a joke won’t compromise our authority.”

In How to Tell a Joke, Fontaine showcases Cicero’s lighter side.

Said a review in the Wall Street Journal when the book was published: “In a loose, one is inclined to say a swinging, translation, Mr. Fontaine makes use of such words as ‘zingers,’ ‘badmouthing,’ ‘shtick,’ and ‘chutzpah.’ … To enjoy his translation, one must smother the pedant in oneself and recall that there is no such thing as the perfect translation; only more or less inaccurate ones.”

Fontaine’s first contribution to the series, How to Drink, taps Obsopoeus’s first-hand knowledge of such alcohol-fueled activities—familiar even in the ancient world—as competitive consumption, binge drinking, and succumbing to peer pressure.

As Fontaine explains, Obsopoeus believed that the key to enjoyable imbibing lay in moderation; the text advises how to manage drinking, make friends at gatherings, and give a proper toast, as well as the particular pleasures of drinking at home.

Professor Michael Fontaine talks to a group of students during a wine classics course visit to the Johnson Museum.
Offering a lesson during a visit to the Johnson Museum. (Cornell University)

“You can express total happiness, laugh without embarrassment, and say anything and everything that comes to mind,” Obsopoeus opined.

“You’ll avoid a bunch of irritations you have to put up with when you go out drinking: snitting behind your back, obnoxious teasing by some smartass, endless banter from some buffoon.”

With four books in the “Ancient Wisdom” series to his credit, Fontaine has two more in the works.

Coming soon: How to Have Willpower: An Ancient Guide to Not Giving In, followed by How to Speak Freely: An Ancient Guide for Modern Dissenters.

Top: Fontaine in the Klarman Hall atrium. (Cornell University)

Published June 11, 2024


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